The Evolution of Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus

Man does it seem like yesterday... coming home from school, grabbing a snack, and being forced to watch Hannah Montana with my older sister. (I am currently a sophomore in college, so I basically grew up with this slut.) At the start of her fame, all I saw was the usual Disney Channel star who could sing and act. She was young but on the rise and soon more and more people were talking about her. I coin this stage as the Young & Innocent Future Star stage. She had everything going for her and seemingly could do no wrong. And at the time there was very little doubt of her potential to be this superstar. Things progressed normally for Miley as her fame continued to grow.

At this point Hannah Montana was a household name and she was on top of the world. Simply put, this chick was the superstar of superstars for the younger generation. This stage is called the "I'm famous and will be the perfect role model". Man did she embrace this and it really did seem like she could do no wrong. Then she became Miley Cyrus.

This was no doubt the turning point of her career. She hopped off the plane at LAX and clearly that plane ticket was one-way. Looked to her right, saw the Hollywood sign, and never looked back. Almost immediately she entered the "I'm famous and tired of trying to be the perfect role model". 

A chick with an outfit like that simply doesn't belong on Disney Channel anymore. Then came the first slip-up in Miley's career and boy did things begin to unfold. This slip-up I am talking about was the one and only salvia video.

First off, what an embarrassing way to start off your list of public mistakes. Salvia? That's desperate. How about getting hammered or running into some legal trouble? Seems to me like the perfect platform for future slip-ups. But no, she has to go the salvia route and act like she is hallucinating when in reality she barely cleared the smoke. This is the Drug/Alcohol Public Mistake stage. Every celebrity experiences this stage but nonetheless, Miley hit the ground running from here. 

The last stage (where Miley currently resides) is the "I don't give a fuck what people think of me" stage. This almost always begins with a crazy haircut or a complete personality makeover, which Miley achieved in both cases. The following videos are more than enough evidence of just how deep into this stage she really is. Things will begin to get bad for Cyrus, maybe not as bad as Bynes, but probably in a similar style. I predict she then will enter the Rock Bottom, Time To Turn Things Around stage -- from there it's anyone's guess. But that, my friends, is the comprehensive evolution of Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus.

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Man Admits To Having Sex With Goat, Banned From All UK Farms

London Evening Standard: A man has been banned from visiting every single farm in the country after he had sex with a goat. Robert Newman, 23, admitted the offence at a farm in Wiltshire in April. He pleaded guilty at North West Wiltshire Magistrates Court in Chippenham and was released on bail. Newman, of Devizes, Wilts, was ordered to keep away from farm animals and stay indoors after 7pm. He had been due to stand trial but changed his plea to guilty and will be sentenced on September 12, after a pre-sentence report has been prepared. Newman must obey a curfew between 7pm and 7am and is not allowed to enter any land where farm animals are kept.


Talk about regret in the morning. This obviously is fucked up, but my issue is that his punishment is a ban from farms. Who wants to go to a farm anyway? Clearly this guy went to get some action and forbidding him from there still doesn't address the problem of this dude's messed up low standards. Now he is a threat to society and not just farms. 

Needless to say this video had to be included in this post. Rob Schneider: the most underrated actor in movie history.

Government Takes Man's Pet Raccoon After Viral Dance Video

Vice: In the days before online video, a long-bearded man dancing with his pet raccoon to Aretha Franklin on his porch in rural Tennessee would have gone unnoticed, just one weird blissful moment in a world full of them. But Mark “Coonrippy” Brown’s clip (above) of him dancing with his four-legged companion Gunshow has gone viral viral since he posted it in July 2012, racking up more than 1 million views on YouTube and attracting so much attention it was featured on The Tonight Show and Good Morning America, which are like YouTube for old people.

It got some not-so-welcome attention, however—according to Coonrippy, the video became so popular that the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency (TWRA) decided to step in and confiscate his raccoon, Rebekah, in late July. (By this time, Gunshow had gone on to that great hollow tree in the sky, but Coonrippy had a new raccoon pet.) Rebakah was taken to a wildlife rehabilitation center, even though arguably all she needed to be “rehabilitated” from was having a decent life as part of a family.

Tragic. No other way to put it. How could you live with yourself knowing that you deprived a man of his raccoons that he so lovingly takes care of? He fucking showers with them.

Whether it is his nickname "Coonrippy," his raccoon's name "Gunshow," his YouTube account name "SwampMusic12," the killer overalls, the deadly beard, or the giant generator placed squarely in the middle of the porch, this man is beautiful on so many levels. Suppressing dance moves like that places you at the top of my People To Kill list.

Budweiser: The #1 Beer Responsible for ER Visits

CBSNEWS: Budweiser is the number one beverage behind alcohol-related emergency room visits, a small study conducted by Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health revealed.

"Recent studies reveal that nearly a third of injury visits to Level I trauma centers were alcohol-related and frequently a result of heavy drinking," lead study author David Jernigan, director of The Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth (CAMY) at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, said in a press release. "Understanding the relationship between alcohol brands and their connection to injury may help guide policy makers in considering taxation and physical availability of different types of alcohol given the harms associated with them."

Studies like these are just completely stupid. Rarely is enough data taken to come to any type of realistic conclusion. Furthermore, I would not have expected Budweiser to be #1 if I had to guess. My guesses would be one of the following: Natty Ice, Natty Light, or Keystone Light -- I don't see Keystone Ice very often. These beers of course are college beers and as a current sophomore wasting 50K a year, I am aware there is some bias attached to these guesses. However, I believe pretty simple logic does happen to make them solid picks.

Let's break this down:

• Binge drinking is the cause for alcohol-related ER visits
• This type of drinking is most often practiced at colleges and universities all across the country
• Natty Ice, Natty Light, and Keystone Light are considered the most commonly found beers at places of higher learning
• So, in turn, these beers are binge drank the most which naturally will make them the leaders in stomach pumps at the local hospital

It's pure logic. Natty Ice tops Budweiser in alcohol by volume (5.9% vs. 5%), and the other two light beers can be binged much easier than Bud. They are also the two cheap beers of choice for the female race. Don't know where she got a bottle of Natty Light but she makes it work.

While I do not think Budweiser deserves to be #1, I have to include this commercial in this post. I just cried watching it. Think/say what you want, but this is as pure as it gets.

This Season Just Got A Whole Lot More Fun For Yankees Fans

First off, I am a Yankees fan and they are my favorite of all sports teams -- naturally I dislike the Red Sox. This season has been relatively disappointing as the Yanks have been throwing out both no-names and washed up players day in and day out. How they have remained competitive is beyond me. Last night changed the season from a fan's perspective, providing a spark that New York fans desperately needed. Hopefully the players have similar feelings and will translate it towards a playoff push.

I was genuinely pissed off when A-Rod was plunked and it was a reminder of how much I despise the Red Sox. What Ryan Dempster did was straight up immature and deserves zero respect. Upon further investigation, I was not surprised to learn that Dempster is divorced after getting caught cheating with his family's nanny. Again, zero respect for this chump. All of MLB can cry about how unfair it is that A-Rod is still playing, but it was the players of the MLBPA who agreed upon the rules that are allowing him to stay on the field.

Joe Girardi had a stellar night, playing all the right cards. The fire he brought out that led to his ejection was inspiring and his post-game interview was superb. He was technically right about his dismay with Red Sox fans cheering the plunk, but how could you expect any fan (especially Boston) not to cheer? A-Rod has been the most hated player in baseball for the last decade and boos are customary. Otherwise, Joe killed it. Last night's win was the sweetest one so far this year, and was a reminder of just how much I hate the Boston Red Sox. 

Truly inspiring. (Respect to the ump for not even flinching)

Wario Stadium

^Play music while reading. Replay if necessary.


So this is my first post and I don't see the purpose of some type of introduction considering this blog has zero significance. I figured it'd make sense to jump right into things and explain the meaning of Wario Stadium as the title of this blog. If you don't know what Wario Stadium is on a general level, I don't like you and never will. You are someone that lessens my faith in humanity. Fortunately the average American (and Jap) knows what Mario Kart 64 is as well as Wario Stadium -- my favorite/best course.

Wario Stadium is the best course for several reasons but the most important of them all is the fact that it is a course where skill stands out. Are items a good time? Of course. Are the shortcuts like the one in Koopa Troopa Beach fun? Absolutely. But what Mario Kart 64 all boils down to is who crosses the finish line first and Wario Stadium is where the best racers flourish. To further elaborate:

• It is a long track where fluke items won't blow a lead.
• Drifting, a staple of any good racer, is crucial for success at Wario Stadium.
• The one shortcut is far from easy. If you know which I am talking about and can execute it at a consistent rate, you are a good man. If you are a woman who can do this, let's just say my already low standards will fall through the floor all the way to Japan.

With Wario Stadium at the top of my list, here are the next four courses that round out my top 5:

2. D.K.'s Jungle Parkway... D.K. is the man and there's no better feeling than laying down bananas on the bridge, where making some spin out is the definition of a guarantee.

3. Koopa Troopa Beach... If I'm ever going to have sex on the beach, my first time has to be here. Hopefully I don't have any problems with the crabs!

4. Royal Raceway... Long track, again, where skilled racers excel. Good pavement as well. 

5. Mario Raceway... Great fucking pavement.

Worst course:

Kalimari Desert... Literally depresses me. Just look at it. And how the hell does Toad get a purple shell a) that early in the race and b) while he is in first place? Clearly shows the Nintendo folks did not give a shit when making this course.